Home is where our heart is ....

Home is where our heart is ....

Our Son Neville moved into his own house on earth exactly 12 days after he was born, but he moved into his permanent home about 1 1/2 years back.

God helped us move on in life by giving us a new life and new beginnings in Jakarta
In my recent trip to Chennai, I got a taste of what life would have been, if God had purposed for us to stay back in Chennai. I missed Neville. God was good that I did not realize it when I was still in Chennai just after he had passed away as I was in state of shock. I realized the heaviness when I moved to Jakarta.
On our journey back from our recent trip to Chennai, our flight had a lot of turbulence that we were never served hot drinks throughout the flight. This was the first time I was in a situation like this. Just as soon as food was served, the captain announced that the cabin crew return to their seats. As a family we love aircraft programs. The down side of watching the episodes of "Minutes to disaster" with the boys was haunting me. Following the disappearance of MH370, hearing about MH17 being shot down the mind is filled with various scenarios. I was  actually waiting for cabin pressure to drop and oxygen masks to drop down.... I don't think it was that bad but I said my prayer , prepared to face death and went to sleep ( Amazed I could sleep peacefully in that turbulence).
I was happy that Nathaniel was with me. If we died both Nathaniel and me would go to Heaven and meet our maker along with Neville, my grandparent, uncles and cousins and the host of other loved ones whom I'm waiting to meet. My joy was short lived when I realized that  I was selfish. I would be happy but I knew as an extended family we were still grieving the loved ones we lost in the recent years and they did not deserve to lose two more. I just  prayed saying Lord I am prepared for any outcome , if you decide to take us please comfort till those who are still in this world. help them not to lose their hope.




When I returned to Jakarta I was part of a group doing a series on Beyond belief - handling belief blockers. The first blocker we discussed  was on  suffering. Is God Good? If God is good why does he not wipe out the evil? Why is there pain and suffering in this world?
Meditating on these question I realized, yes my God is Good. How else can I explain my moving on in spite of the difficult days. How can I explain the joy and peace in my heart in spite of the grief, pain doubts & questions. How else can I explain the encouraging words that God comforts me with at just the point I want to give up.
Yes He is good and He may not wipe out the evil and suffering but He sure gives me the grace and mercy and strength I need to carry on every day of my life in this evil world. I have also realized one persons joy is another persons pain. Man is selfish, we do things to please ourselves. Many times it is at the cost of somebody else happiness. If all of us earth on allow the God who created them be the God in their lives I'm sure there would be no evil in this world.

Well I can only do my part so I have come to accept the fact that as long as I live in this world I will have pain and suffering. The day I die, depending on the life I lived on earth my suffering may continue or I will be free of it completely. Theses are thoughts mentioned by various people which have stayed in my heart. I read about this testimony of a man whose dad asked him to speak at his mothers funeral, which he felt was a task he could not do and refused. His dad just told him to sort it out with God.
Son to God : my mom is Gone!!!
God to Son:  Gone where?
Son to God : She has gone Home!!
Pondering the man realized that his mom had left her temporary home and gone to her eternal home to be with the Lord. he realized "Death is absent in body and present with God".

The first longest trip my dad went on official work leaving us at home was to Kolkata, India for 3 weeks. He wrote a letter on arriving there asking my brother and me to memorize John 14 1-3


"Let not your heart be troubled.Believe in God; believe also in me. In my fathers house are many mansions; if it were not so I would have told you. I go to prepare a place for you. if I go and prepare a place for you I will come again and receive you to myself; that where I am you may be also."


This is the hope I have and I live this hope by not visiting anybody's grave as they are not there!!! They have gone home!! I also choose not to willingly spent time going over their pictures or memories of them which would make me miss them. I sure an waiting for the day I can go home to meet my savior and all my loved ones.

I am lucky to have a lot of my family here on earth but I know this is temporary. there will come a day when each of us will meet death. Was encouraged by this song last weekend Forever. I could sing it confidently this weekend because my Jesus has conquered the grave and He has given me hope in this hopeless world.

Meanwhile the challenge I face is why do I want to die? Is it to meet my maker or my son. God's warning everyday to me is don't make your son your God. God wants us to give Him first placein our lives.

Something which God taught me, and I taught the kids to pray was , " Lord if your coming is today, help us to be found in it". The unsaid part was if I die today help me to be found with you.  If  Neville died on December 16th  20112, when he was critical and only 5 hours was given, I am not sure if I would be as comforted as I am today. That day as a mother I did not see him ready to meet his creator. In the 3 months God extended his life God worked in him and prepared him . As a 7 yr old Neville had to set his life  right with God. Today my greatest challenge is to make sure I  want to go home to meet my creator and not my son. I need to be careful I do not make my son my God or an idol in my life.

My last conversation with Neville.
Neville: Mama ask them to take me back to the other hospital I don't like this place.( he was shifted to the pediatric ICU in another location)
Me: Neville you are not going back to the other hospital we are going home.( we were waiting for his counts to come up as the doctor promised to send him home before the next chemo)
2 days later Neville's earthly body reached his earthly home (where he spent most of his life) but his spirit went Home to be with his maker. He is now in a land where there is no evil or suffering.




Yes I am waiting to go Home to be with my maker and loved ones who have gone ahead of me. I also don't want to be selfish of what I want as I realize my joy is someones pain. I am willing to go through the pain for the joy of my loved ones in our temporary home  I want to bring joy and happiness to the people who are living here on earth and wait for my time to move over from this home to my eternal Home. I liked this quote home can be heaven on earth, I would extend it saying heaven is our home eternally

Are you ready to go Home today?

PS: Came across this blog I had written almost three years back and had not published. I don't remember many of the incidents I mention here but I have lived by the lessons I learnt then. Today I enjoy seeing my older son Nathaniel grow. I have worked on my skills and have got back to working after 15 years. God has helped us create memories with Nathaniel and the reality that life can be enjoyed without Neville is true!! As I see Nathaniel grow, I consciously don't go the path of imaging how Neville would have been if he was alive. Initially it was tough, today it doesn't matter. Do I miss him yes, when I had started leaving Nathaniel alone at home I wished Neville was there to give him company. Today I am amazed to see how God has filled the vacuum created by the death of Neville in Nathaniel's  life. God has been truly good in my life. If Home is where our heart is .... right now its on earth to live and fulfill the purpose I was created for.... waiting to move to my eternal home when the time comes. Was reminded of my FB post I had shared, It was Billy Graham's daughter's post about her Daddy going Home....
I had written the PS yesterday!! Today I need to add a PSPS
PSPS: Today is Sunday ( Mar 25 2018) our worship started with one of the Sunday school kids reciting John 3:2-5, We sang the song 'forever' during worship it was a weekend when I was encouraged in a way I didn't expect. To those grieving out there i want to give you hope to enjoy life in spite of the loss. With man its impossible, with God it sure is....